Positive Reality

"He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words."

Thu, 26 Jul 2012 23:59:41 -0700

““He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.””

- Elbert Hubbard (via ejmeor)

I can feel myself getting farther and farther into the corner. The one where I sit and look pretty....

Thu, 26 Jul 2012 23:57:18 -0700

I can feel myself getting farther and farther into the corner. The one where I sit and look pretty. But then that’s not even the case because you expect so much from me. True love is achieved when you needing me is more important than you loving me, they go hand in hand. I don’t feel like I’m enough for you. All I want to be is the slightest bit of more than enough. You don’t let me help with anything. You seriously make me feel so stupid. And I feel like I’d be out of place to say something. Look at me, I sound like those pathetic girls who need someone to complete them who stay with their boyfriends for dumb reasons. I want to be a woman. Please let/help me grow

“I don’t want someone who is crazy.” Not the first time I’ve heard that. But...

Mon, 09 Jul 2012 01:41:36 -0700

“I don’t want someone who is crazy.” Not the first time I’ve heard that. But guess what, that’s me. I’m crazy. I can’t think straight, my mind is tired, my body is tired, I can’t remember anything, and I don’t know what I want. I have no control over anything in my life. I am not strong at all. I try to put up walls so nobody can tell that I’m weak but I’m pretty sure it’s quite damn obvious. I think way too much of the future and guess what, it’s not going to happen magically so I don’t know why I act like it will end up that way. Yes, I’m crazy. I think poorly of myself. In fact, I’m not good enough for anyone in my damn life and I think of just dying way too often. Not a good daughter, not a good sister, not a good girlfriend, or friend, or cousin, or aunt, or student, or person, or any title on the planet you can think of. I feel sorry for myself too frequently and it’s pathetic. Yes that’s me. Crazy and pathetic. Why would anyone want someone like me? They don’t. So you shouldn’t. I know I’m not good enough for anyone. And I should’ve stopped you when I had the chance. I can’t believe I let you fall for me. I want you to know, of course, that I only want you happy. And you deserve a strong, smart, independent woman. Every man does. And that’s not me. I’m a pathetic little girl. I hope you don’t settle for me. I hope God will bring you a wonderful amazing woman. So you can be happy. And I’ll be happy too. Cause i don’t want to be selfish anymore. I don’t want to waste your time. You have so much going for you and a great future ahead. You don’t need me to hold you back. So I hope you will find the strength to leave me. Because I don’t have the courage to. For now, I will pretend I’m not crazy. Act like happiness runs through my blood. Try to grow up. Maybe the things I portray will stick to me. Maybe I can change. But I doubt it. I’ll never be enough..

rissalady: xjazztheripper: mictecacihuatl: datboyjohnray: vip...

Thu, 24 May 2012 10:13:44 -0700

rissalady:

xjazztheripper:

mictecacihuatl:

datboyjohnray:

vipvictor:

Will Smith and Gary Barlow Do ‘The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air’ Rap

this is the shit lol

COOLEST THING I’VE SEEN AL DAY

I love him.

Yes.

I love will smith! Lol the black girls tho

"If something bad happens to us someday, it’ll never change what we have now, what we’ve always had...."

Thu, 24 May 2012 10:01:07 -0700

“If something bad happens to us someday, it’ll never change what we have now, what we’ve always had. Because you were right - love is real and we have to do everything to keep it alive. Wherever life takes us, I want it to be with you, forever or until tomorrow.”

- Topanga, in Boy Meets World (via illoquent-)

tuneage: Alabama Shakes - “Rise to the Sun” I wake up ...

Thu, 24 May 2012 10:00:45 -0700

tuneage:

Alabama Shakes - “Rise to the Sun”

I wake up
Rise to the sun
I go to work
And I come back home

phillip phillips

Wed, 16 May 2012 22:01:36 -0700

uuuuuuuuuuunnnnf <3

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Wed, 16 May 2012 16:35:07 -0700

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Wed, 16 May 2012 16:28:16 -0700

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May 4: restless

Fri, 04 May 2012 22:35:07 -0700

- its 2:24 am. Yes, I’m awake. Couldn’t really sleep. And then I’m reading stuff on twitter saying Rob and his friends are getting towed and whatever, yeah, long story. I’m not sure if I like the influence his friends have on him. Really, it’s whatever, and his friends are his friends but I guess im just jealous that they’re changing the guy I once knew. I don’t enjoy having to worry every single time he goes out. Is he safe? Is he in trouble? I hope they’re not drinking and driving. He never used to drink that much. Now he gets what he calls “buzzed” to me but “wasted” to other girls. His life has become so fast-pace and I’m really just getting left in the dust. I’m afraid I will lose him to a girl, but more importantly, to life. He always assures me nobody will come between us, but he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Once you have a taste, you get hooked.

- Now you say my feelings are important? That you like to hear them? If that was seriously the case, I wouldn’t be writing this. We both know I don’t have any say at all. I just have to smile, shut up, and look pretty. Not sure if I’d even like to share my feelings because I’m not trying to make things “my fault”. I do hope one day, though, I will be able to share everything with you. And not be afraid. Not be judged. But be understood. And supported. I think that’s healthy. Yes, that’s good.

- Rob left to LA for his baseball tourney this weekend. So I guess I aint got nothing to do. Just catch up on homework but that’s really hard for me.

- I just relaxed today. My headaches gone too! I feel good, but just tired.

- Your friends have time to tweet, but you don’t have time to text? Yeah, you’re really thoughtful.

- I have a feeling im going to have a hard time sleeping again. I don’t know what’s wrong with me

May 3: exhausted

Thu, 03 May 2012 23:22:08 -0700

-Sometimes I wish I knew what happily married people felt like. So that I could compare it to us and see if we’re on the right track.

-Also I wonder what it’s like to be a boy. Lol!

- We used to say “Forever and ever no matter what.” And somewhere along the way, we stopped. I said it to you just now. And well, that’s the last time I say it first cause it’s not like you ever really say it back. I don’t even know why I said it.. I have a hard time feeling that we’ll make it that far. Maybe I just thought “aw, old times” and that it’d mean something to you. But no. Nothing does anymore. Start pretending like you care. Better yet, don’t. I don’t want to be surprised when you admit shit and up and leave one day with me thinking I was actually a priority to you. Yeah, I’m pretty heartbroken now. But I don’t want to cry about it. So im just going to rest my heavy little heart.

- Thought we had 1 homework. So I did it. But we had 2. Fuck my life

- I’ve just been a complete mess today -_- but things are working out. I think I did really really awful on my stats quiz though. But what can I do, what’s done is done.

- I don’t feel good at all. I’ve been feeling faint and dizzy and out of it and my stomach hurts. But I didn’t say anything about it all day so I’m proud of myself. Idk what’s wrong though. Just glad to be home. Can’t wait to ktfo

- Are you only nice when you get what you want? Or when you feel guilty?

-It’s become pretty clear today that our relationship is on the brink. We barely have anything more than physical now-a-days. I try so hard to make things work and I feel like I’m in this by myself. I’m not sure if you see it. Why do you have to make me question everything so much.. And then go and be so charming

- We may not be together for”ever” but I’ll fight for us until “that” day comes. You’ve got a good girl on your hands.

- You actually referred to me as your wife today. Told others I was too. It made me feel good. Thank you. Why can’t you be like that all the time?

- I forgot to submit my comm outline yesterday gosh dang it. Can I at least remember shit do I can finish the semester with decent grades? Just one week left. Please!!

- I had things to write about earlier. But tonight, I’m out of words. I’m not sure what to say. Maybe cause there’s so much. And I’m so exhausted.

May 2

Wed, 02 May 2012 23:56:39 -0700

- Almost died on the road today. I’m really shaken up. Scared, scarred lol. Just wish he could give me a hug. But I knew if it was him in the car he’d be pissed the fuck off.

- Why do we talk about growing old together and spending every day of our lives together but you’re over here telling me you need space too. I’ve never been opposed to it. So why is it my fault now?

- Everything you said the other day, I really took it to heart.

- I forgot my laptop charger at home :/

-I forgot my Iclicker too -_-

- Junior seau died today, may he rest in peace.

- My communication class makes me think about my relationship. What couple can we classify ourselves as? Hm. I don’t know. But I do know all I want is more.

- I wish I never went to prom with you. But it was my fault and I shouldn’t have said yes. I was so stupid. Glad to say I’ve made a turn-around.

-We have nothing to talk about anymore. We have lost depth. Our relationship is predictable. We are too comfortable.

- I always thought you were the one that I could tell everything to. That I could be myself around. Now I feel muted and ashamed, just how everyone else puts me in that position. I thought you were my outlet. And now im here typing on a freakin mobile notepad. I used to feel so alone because I was scared to talk to you. Now I know I can, but something’s I cannot, and that’s just to make me a better person, I think…
I just hope the lesson in this is not that I should stand up for myself and leave you because this circumstance is wrong. Because I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to admit that you control my life. I don’t want to feel pathetic. But either way, I believe I might be…

- “The one that cares the least, is the one with the most power.” … You win.

- I think the past few/couple months I’ve had it good. Which is now why things are starting to crumble a little bit. I suppose this is where the going gets rough. God’s testing me. I think He and the things Rob told me over the weekend are to get me to change for the better. To get me to work hard and not take things for granted. For me to be positive. It all makes sense now. I’ve always had this feeling God brought Robert into my life at such good timing, and for good reasons. And for that, I am blessed. Whether Robert and I are destined to get married and have children, or just to teach other lessons of our youth and naturally break away, I will never regret any of it. I’m beginning to lean towards the second “hypothesis” though. And so it is now come to realization that I also love Robert because I love God. I just hope that our relationship is not hanging on by a thread because God, I really do have so much more to learn, and so much more to teach.

-There is also a possibility of bad happenings because of karma. Maybe God’s telling me I have to tell my mom my secret…

- Ummm maybe I should think about who I follow on here. Cause I can’t remember. And though I really don’t give a fuck who reads my thoughts, I don’t want it to get out to the wrong person……

May 1: starting with lotsa shit on my mind

Tue, 01 May 2012 23:31:10 -0700

- Was gonna do my own shit this morning but then my mom offered to take me to school. Should have just done my own thing cause she actually didn’t offer so now I’m missing my first class which is so hard to make up the material, probably will be getting an F on the final. But anyway, today I learned if you want something done, do it yourself.

- i look like shit today

- I hate my stats class. All the girls are bitches!! And I just get this vibe they’re all judging me and they probably think I’m an ugly loser. And Everyone’s white. It’s basically filled with white frat/sorority guys/girls. Ugh I hate college.

- Saw the Lucky One and Think Like A Man today, and also did fish taco Tuesday’s at rubio’s!

- Had a nice time spent with Robert today. It didn’t include any conflict, which was definitely a relief. Of course, it wasn’t the same as before. Not sure if we’ll ever get that back. Just not the same vibes. I’m trying to be happy and positive and not annoying for him but it doesn’t seem like its making any affect. Maybe not now, because of course I need to stick with this mentality. Just feels like I’m trying to be a happy girlfriend with him and he’s thinking about someone else. Not true per say, just the way it feels. I’m not the girl he once fell in love with and I know he’s getting tired of me. He wants to hold onto me and yes I want that too, but I’m never going to be the perfect, or right girl for him.

-And he always talks about school. His college friends. His baseball team. All the groupies in his classes. I don’t mind listening, sure gives me interesting stuff to hear cause I’ve got no life. And I don’t mind his guy friends, his girl friends, the girls that hit on him, his busy schedule, etc. I support him in everything. But it’s just become so clear to me that I don’t fit his college lifestyle. I don’t fit the friend vibes and I don’t fit the hot girl image or the cool parties. I probably never will. That’s everything I’ve been so jealous of.. Just growing up and being a WOMAN that a guy—he— actually wants. He’s still mainly the same person but he’s just growing and it’s hard to follow when that life will never be me. We always knew college would make or break us.

-We don’t really have much to talk about anymore.

-I wish I had lots of chill friends that I could vibe with while you hang out with yours. But you don’t really let me. Although you’re starting to cause you want to hang out with yours without any problems. But this will probably turn into something about my fault eventually.

-I’m putting on this happy facade for you so you can be happy and so that it will become my natural personality. But honestly I’ve been really upset and heartbroken these past few days. I do not feel loved. But I’m going to keep this to myself cause it wouldn’t do any good to talk about it. And I don’t think it’s right to avoid sharing feelings with you or to be scared to act a certain way, cause if you really want to be with me in the long run, I need to be myself.

-Lemme talk about this girl. She gets on my nerves. In high school she’d sabotage my relationships and call me a slut and shit like that and I didn’t do anything to her. She hated me for no reason. And now she always talks about people are in her relationship and she would never come between something like that or whatever. Fucking hypocrite. Just shoot yourself attention whore.. Jk that’s mean. But karma is a bitch huh

Imma Do Me

Mon, 30 Apr 2012 17:41:26 -0700

Since I’m pretty much forced to keep all my thoughts and emotions to myself, I’ll now just start using this as an outlet. Get ready for random thoughts throughout my day and some things I usually just keep to myself. Let’s see how long I can keep this up

Leftover Cuties | Sunnyside

Wed, 11 Apr 2012 07:34:22 -0700

Leftover Cuties | Sunnyside

why hello!

Sat, 07 Apr 2012 13:13:51 -0700

why hello!

Lovers’ Names

Sun, 01 Apr 2012 14:11:00 -0700

Lovers’ Names

youre beautiful i love you

Sun, 01 Apr 2012 13:01:42 -0700

youre beautiful i love you

so cute haha

Sun, 01 Apr 2012 12:48:30 -0700

so cute haha

win free shoes from dulce candy by playing games!

Mon, 26 Mar 2012 11:49:00 -0700

win free shoes from dulce candy by playing games!